Really Real
by tattedsuperwholock
Summary: You are Dean's hunting partner and long time friend. Things have always been tense between you two but your own fear stands in the way. Little bit of smut. Reviews would be helpful :)
1. Chapter 1

"Dean, you have to call him eventually."

Sam left two weeks ago. Dean was still drunk, miserable and pouting in his bed.

"Dean. I'm serious. Sober up and call your brother. You need him."

He sits up, clearly too fast, and puts a hand out to steady himself. "Sammy is gone. Period" his s's were slurring and his vowels too long, "If he wanted to hunt with us, or even to be with us, he'd be here, with us."  
"I know that but he's not. You know he does this like once every 3 years. Hunting was never his thing."  
"Whatever. I need more drink." He begins to stand up but his legs disagree and he stumbles forward. I catch him as best I can and ease him onto the ground. He plops his head into my lap and gazes up at me.

"Why are you still here?"  
"Excuse me?"

"Like, why are you still here with Sammy and me? You never liked hunting. Ever. The first time you shot a gun I thought you were gonna pass out. So why did you stick around, buttercup?" He says the last p with an extra _pop_. _Well, he's drunk; I doubt he'll remember this._

"I liked the scenery."  
"Like the impala? Yeah, my baby is pretty pretty, huh?"

"No silly. I like the…. Company." It takes him a moment but I can see him beginning to understand what I'm saying. He moves to sit up and look at me.

"Wait. You like _us _company? That's silly. You're silly." And he slumps back into my lap.

"Maybe I am silly but at least my not drunk off my ass and melted to the ground. C'mon sweet cheeks. Let's put you to bed." He throws his right arm over my shoulder and I struggle to stand. "Dean, help me out. Use your legs dude." He pushes off the ground and we're up. I drag him back to his bed and throw him down but his left arm catches me around my waist and he pulls me down with him.

"So, who's your favorite? And it can't be Sam because he's not here." He gives me his dopey smile. I want to tell him now because I know he won't remember this conversation in the morning.

"You are Dean." I change the tone of my voice to a more serious one. "It's always been you. Now, I'm going to bed and you need to sleep this off." I stand up to leave but his hand hangs on to mine.

"Hang on, please." He starts to sit up. I can tell that his brain is turning back on. _So much for him not remembering this_.

"Dean-"  
"No. It's my turn." He gently tugs on my hand so I sit back down on the bed. "Are you serious? Because, if you are, and all of me hopes you are, then I need you to know that," he pauses and inhales deeply, "you're my favorite too. You have been for a while."

"Dean, you're drunk and I'm leaving." I start to slip away but he grabs my arm and pulls me into a kiss. At first, I was so confused, but then our lips just made sense. He wasn't being greedy or forceful but he wasn't being a dead fish. He _wanted_ me.

I kissed him back and parted my lips just enough to let his tongue in for a moment. He pulled me closer and entangled his fingers in my hair. I could feel his body begin to warm up as his kisses intensified.

"Wait, Dean, wait." It took all of my strength to pull away from him. He looked at me like I had struck him. I reached up and cradled his face in my hand. "Not like this. Not with you drunk and bitter. I want you. God, I want you right now but we can't. I want you to remember everything and I want you to be here fully. Does that make sense?" He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand.

"Yes." It was just a whisper, and I knew how much I had thrown him off. He knew I was right and pulled away from me. "I need to sleep." He lay down and turned his back on me.

I stood up and took off his boots and pulled the covers over him. "Dean?" I whispered but he was already asleep. I leaned down and kissed his forehead before left. "I hope you still love me in the morning."


	2. Chapter 2

"Sam?"

"Hey."  
"Sammy where are you?"

"Y/N, why are you calling me?"  
"Dean is worried sick about you and so am I! Please come home."

"Dean doesn't care. He wants me gone."  
"You're being a child, you know that, right?"  
"Am not."  
"Case and point. Sam, please come home. Talk to Dean. He's done nothing but drink and be sad since you left. I know you don't want to but he needs you. I need you. Please Sammy. Please come home."

The line goes quiet for a solid minute.

"I'll be home tomorrow night. Don't tell Dean."

He hangs up.

Sometimes, I swear I am the only adult around here. I am always cleaning up their messes and putting them back together after their fights. This one was one of their worst, for sure. Yes, Dean had said some things that were harsh but he's basically possessed by that damn blade. Sam should understand that! Dean being a dick is not a good enough reason to leave. If it was, we all would have left him years ago.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Dean is awake and definitely hung over. I walk over to his room, coffee, water, and Advil in hand, and open his door.

"Calm down Dean and here, "I hand him the glasses and pills, "water and Advil first, then coffee." I turn to leave.  
"The answer is yes, by the way."

"Huh?" I look back at him as he chugs the water.

Wiping the spillage off his chin, looks up at me with a smirk, "Yes, I do still love you."  
"Oh." _Shit_ "You heard that. I thought you were asleep."

We let the silence sit there as he sipped his coffee.

"You were right, you know? About me being sober and being able to remember everything. And about Sam too. I'll call him later, ok?"

"Ok."

"So, are we going to talk about last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N, you know what I mean."  
"You were drunk. Nothing counts when your drunk."  
"HA! That's good. I'm going to keep that line for later." The smirk leaves his face as he looks at his feet. "Everything that happened last night, I meant it; all of it. You are my favorite and I think I'm falling-no, I am in love with you. I want you, all of you."  
"Dean, please, be reasonable."  
"What's there to be reasonable about? I'm in love with you and you very clearly have feelings for me so what am I missing? Tell me, please, because I'm lost." He was visibly frustrated and his tone was starting to scare me.

"Dean, if we ever do anything, then it becomes real. I'm not ready for real. I can't handle real now. I'm- I'm not ready."

"Not ready for what? Why are you making this so complicated?" He decreased the space between us so that he was within reach.

"Because the moment we have sex, I lose my best friend! I can't lose you! I already lost Sam! I lost you once when you went to purgatory. I am not built to lose you again! Dean… Dean, I need you more than I need oxygen. I want you all the time but I can't have you because having you means losing you and I'm afraid!" I crumple to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest I let out a sob. I hear him exhale and crouch next to me.

"Please look at me. Y/N please." I poke my head up, tears still trickling down my face. He tips my chin up and wipes away a tear with his thumb. "Come here." He sits next to me and I curl up into him. Dean places my hand on his chest; I feel his heart. "Feel that?" I nod "It's real." He moves my hand to his face and kisses my knuckles. "This is real too. We are already real. I am in love with you. I want you. I want to know your deepest secrets and you fears. If loving me is a fear, then let me help you face it. Please, Y/N, let me show you that this love is not something to be feared." He tips my chin up and leans in; his eyes asking permission. I take a deep breath and nod.

He kisses me gently and pulls away. "I don't want to scare you away Bambi." He pulls me into his chest. He smells like leather, liquor and soap.


	3. Chapter 3

"-Sammy please, keep your voice down!"

_Sam is back? Why didn't Dean wake me up? How did I get into my bed? Wait, this is Dean's bed._ I feel to make sure all my clothes are on. It's too early to be drunk. I remember crying into Dean and that's it. But Sammy is home!

I jump up to see Sam. I actually missed that son of a bitch!

"Dean we need to talk about you and that blade."

"Not now we don't! You just got back. Can't we just have a few and talk about the weather?"

"No." I chime in. They look at me, clearly startled. "Sorry, I should have announced myself. But now that you know I'm here, no dean, we can't ignore this. You and this blade are dangerous. I'm worried for you. We are worried for you."  
"Dean, please, hear us out. Abaddon is dead and Crowley is next. You know it. And you, you're acting… well you're acting like a murderous dick."

Dean clenches his jaw and glares at us. "Is that what you think? That because of this-" he yanks his sleeve up to expose the mark- "I won't be able to control myself? I won't be able to do anything but kill and murder and destroy? Well fine! If that's what you think of me then I'm just gonna go hunt some demons!"  
"Dean wait!" I start to chase after him when he turns back sharply.

"NO!" He grabs my wrist and was about to throw me to the ground. I've never been more scared of him than this moment. My best friend is going to kill me. "Dean…? Please. Don't"

He let's go of my wrist as he realizes the rage that has just consumed him. He goes pale and stumbles backwards. "Oh my god. Oh my god. No. No no no no. Y/N? Are you ok? Holy shit. No." He reaches out for me but I pull away unconsciously. "Y/N I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please. Oh my god, Y/N. I'm so sorry."

"It's, um, it's fine. I'm gonna go… not be in- not be here right now. Um, yeah." I walk out of the room, still shaking. I can see the rage in his eyes.

"Y/N!" I hear Dean calling after me. I can't turn around. I begin to cry and run into my room.

"Y/N!" Dean calls after you but you can't hear him.

"Dean, leave her be for now." Sammy has his reassuring tone on as he reaches for Dean's shoulder.

"Sammy I have to fix this. I can't let her run off like this. I need to fix this now!"  
"No Dean. Let her cool off for a bit. _You_ need to cool off too. Here." Sam handed Dean a glass of whiskey and the bottle. "Drink till you pass out. Not my favorite method but I know it's the only one you will try right now. I'm going to see if there's a case or something to do. Goodnight Dean."

Dean stared at the amber liquid in the glass, sighed, and swallowed it all in one gulp.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I creep into Dean's room. I know he feels terrible and I am fine, mostly. I'm still a little shaken and there's a bruise on my wrist but it's nothing I can't handle.  
"Dean? Dean are you awake?" I close the door behind me and tip toe towards his bed. I see the almost empty fifth of whiskey on the ground and let out a sigh. Apparently it was a loud one because Dean flinches awake.

"Shit. Sorry. I know better than to sneak up on a hunter. I was just-um- I was just making sure you were ok."  
He sits up, clearly too quickly, and tries to focus his eyes on me. "Shouldn't _I_ be making sure _you_ were ok? " He runs his eyes and looks up at me.

"Oh, um yeah, I guess." I look at my hands and notice how apparent the bruise has become.

"Oh no. Did I-? No. No no no no. Y/N, did I do that to you?" He stands up and takes a few steps forward, like he was approaching a deer.

"Um-" I can't look up at him because I know the pain I'll see in his face.

"Y/N, may I?" He reaches towards me and I extend my arms. Dean cradles my hands and turns them over. He pulls my bruised wrist to his face and kisses it. I wince a little. "I'm so sorry." He kisses the bruise again.

"Dean," I take a step into him and cradle his face with my free hand, "I forgive you." I wipe away a tear from his cheek as he looks at me. "I love you." I pull him in for a kiss. He drops my wrist, wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in closer to him.

He leans back and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. "I love you too." He presses his lips to mine as I open my mouth to let his tongue in. He tastes like liquor, smells like leather, and god, I need him.

I slip my hands under his shirt, encouraging him to pull it off. He breaks the kiss just long enough to do so. I pull off my old t-shirt and slip my sweats off. _And this is why I don't sleep with underwear_.

I giggle as his scruff tickles my neck as he begins to nibble.

"Let's get these off please." I tug at his pants; I can feel him, ready and hard against me.

He chuckles, kissing me as he takes off his pants and boxers.

I wrap one leg around his waist and he grabs the other one. We stumble backwards onto his bed, never untangling our mouths.

He takes his finger and begins massaging my cit. I let out a groan and he presses harder. I can feel a warmth building in my abdomen. I buck my hips to meet his hand. He slips one finger inside me and then a second. I dig my nails into his back and he lets out a growl.

Dean caresses his way down my neck and covers my breast in his mouth, flicking the nipple with his tongue. I feel like I'm about to explode.

"Dean" I can barely get the words out, "Dean please. Now Dean now please."

He chuckles and sits up, slipping on a condom.

"Ready?" I nod as he positions himself over me.

_Holy shit! _

He eases into me and checks to see if I'm ok. I bite my lower lip in pleasure. He takes that as his go and begins to move in and out slowly.

"Faster. Dean, baby, faster!"

His rhythm increases and he places one hand on my clit and plays with it in time.

I know I'm not going to last long at all, he can sense it too.

He leans down and growls in my ear, "Come for me baby."  
I explode around him and he comes inside me seconds later.

Easing out of me, he lays next to my and pulls me into his chest.

"That was everything I ever dreamed it would be." He plants as he kisses the top of my head.

All I can do is nod in agreement as I fall asleep.


End file.
